Case
Was Alex too Friendly?

My good friend Alex, who is a White person from Central America, has been teaching biology at a high school for two years. The school where he works serves a majority Black student population. One of the strengths of Alex is his ability to connect with people and establish good relationships. He used his skills in his new school, too, to form close relationships with his students. He believes that a teacher should be like a friend to the students for the students to trust and relate to the teacher. He gained popularity among teachers and students as a great biology teacher. One specific incident got him in great trouble. As he was walking from his car to the school building one morning, students greeted him with smiley faces and friendly attitudes. Most students greeted him by saying things like "What's up Mr. A?" "What is going on dude?" "How you doing buddy?" Alex found these appropriate and responded to students similarly every day. This specific morning, one student greeted Alex by saying "What's up nigga?" and Alex responded to the student using the same phrase. The next day he found out that the student and his family filed a complaint against Alex for using the "n word." The principal asked Alex to submit a written explanation in his defense and that his position at this school was at jeopardy. Alex asked for help, and I am not sure what to tell him.

Posted on: 11/18/12 | Views: 1816
Solution #1
Top Solution
It seems that Alex didn't realize his comment was inappropriate. I would suggest that Alex write an apologetic defense and explain the misunderstanding. He should be sure to include that the word is not used in his home culture, so he was unware that it had such a negative connotation. I would also suggest that Alex speak with and apologize to the principal, the student, and the student's parents all together to explain the situation. Alex should also explain that he will set cultural boundries and relationship boundries for the future. He will not use terms or phrases that he doesn't fully understand without asking a trusted adult the meaning. He should also seek another professional, such as a counselor, to discuss common inappropriate statements used by high schoolers. While I do agree that Alex was mistakenly in the wrong, I also believe the student should be held accountable as well. Either the student purposefully set Alex up or just causually used the inappropriate word himself.

This is an great solution! i will definitely use this in my classroom.

I totally agree with this, apologizing and having one on one time with the students and the parents to set boundaries and learn why it is not okay is a good idea.

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Solution #2
It sounds like Alex made a huge mistake without even knowing it. Sometimes teachers break the barrier between teacher and friend, and this can cause a lot of controversy. I do not allow the use of the "n" word in any circumstance in or out of the classroom. This word is totally inappropriate, no excuses! It seems that Alex has got himself in a bind and should have used his professional judgement rather than worrying about gainning "cool points".

This is an great solution! i will definitely use this in my classroom.

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Solution #3
I believe that Alex was inappropriate, but whats done is done and all he can do now is explain that he makes an effort to be the best teacher he can be and interact with students on a personal level. Although i do think that it was inappropriate and he should be disciplined for his actions, I do not think that he meant any negative connotation by it.
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Solution #4
I feel Alex crossed the line. He is a teacher and should have realized that he shouldn't have said something like that... ever. Also, it's okay to be close to your students but working with high school students is a lot different than younger children. The high school students need to know that Alex is their teacher, not their friend. I would talk to him about his relationship/professionalism with his students.
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Solution #5
It seems as though this is a wake up call for Alex. As much as we want to connect with our students, there is a fine line between being a professional. I believe it is not acceptable to become "friends" with your students. They are the student, and you are the teacher. You are there to teach and to be a role model to them. I think that the teacher should explain he did not mean the word to offend anyone, and that he was simply using it in common language with the student. He should apologize for the word.
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Solution #6
First of all, him saying that word was a stupid decision on his part. He really does not have a good defense in this situation. The only thing he can do is apologize for what he said and explain that him being friends with the students helps him teach better. He just has to admit that he made a mstake and hope for the best.
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Solution #7
Wow, the racial ignorance anong teachers is reeealll; no matter who says it, the n word is NOT okay to use, student or teacher, pale or dark. I seriously haven't a clue if Alex was thinking, but the parents had every right to file a complaint. A student using a slur in a greeting does NOT mean you can repeat it.

I agree

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Solution #8
Another Lifetime story gone wrong. Alex was too friendly. I think he should apologize to the student and principle about what happened, explaining to them that this was a misunderstanding that got carried away. Alex should change the way he connects with his students setting rules how his students communicate with him.
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Solution #9
My experience is that I would love to be close friends with many of my students, however this just can't be because you lose the authority persona with your students and familiarity creates situations that will be misunderstood. It is also more important for male teachers to maintain this distance. I know as soon as a fourteen year old female student comes up and huggs Mr Sanders at a b- ball game, some tongues will wag. The same goes for friending students on social media sites, people troll these sites for anything that might be deemed inappropriate, racist, etc. Stay off with students. Stay Professional at All Times.

Stay professional at all times! I definitely agree with that and think more teachers should remember that! Just like parents cannot be friends with their children, we cannot be friends with our students. You can be professional and someone a student trusts and likes.

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Solution #10
My number one concern is what the student actually went home and told his/her parents. Then Alex needs to clarify how and why he used the word. Now, I've actually had this conversation with my black students and they tell me it is OK for them to use it, but I as a white teacher should not. Alex should apologize as he may not have known that he was inappropriate, but his job being in jeopardy, that seems far fetched for me, there are bigger fish to fry in the world.

I also thought his job being in jeopardy was a bit much. I know teachers who are doing far worse that that and still have their jobs! It would be crucial to find out what the parents heard from the student. Seems to me there may be more to the story and that he possibly fabricated what really happened.

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Solution #11
I would address to Alex that he was being too friendly, and that is okay to be your students' friend at time but he should have set standards of how far to carry the friendship because he is still a teacher. I will tell him to do a written explanation and just simply telling the truth about what he said and his relationship with his students. I would tell Alex to realize what he did and to correct it in the future so that this incident won't happen again.
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Solution #12
I think that Alex was too friendly. I would apologize to the parents and explain that you were trying to have a "TEacher/friend" relationship but now you see that it was inappropriate. I do not allow that word in my classroom by anyone, and I think as an adult and teacher we should not be the "friend" but the confidant and person who they trust. That is different than a friend.

This is an great solution! i will definitely use this in my classroom.

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Solution #13
He should write an apology for offending anyone and explain that he was brought up in a different culture and therefore unaware of the negative views behind it. I would also advise him to set clearer boundaries for his students, they should trust him, be able to talk to him and be able to grow from his teachings but he should not be their friend.
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Solution #14
Even though this was clearly an honest mistake from Alex, I do think he needs to be careful about crossing the teacher-friend barrier. It was almost as if the student set him up for a trap. I would send an apologetic note home to the student and his family explaining everything that was said and how it was a great misunderstanding, but that it would never occur again. I would then ask specific students in my class what they were comfortable with as far as "names" or "nick-names" to help me under stand what was acceptable for future reference. If a student were to use the "n-word" to the teacher again, I would report or discipline the student. If Alex did not want to take it that far, he should tell the student that the word is not appropriate to use, and makes him uncomfortable when called that.
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Solution #15
The title shouldn't be "Was Alex too friendly? " but rather "Was Alex even thinking though?"
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